transgender day of remembrance

Hi readers,
At this time last November, I was too sad to process this day, let alone write about it. Now that I have a blog, a space to raise my voice, I feel like this year it is my duty to write something. Today is the Transgender Day of Remembrance. What is the Transgender Day of Remembrance, you may ask?

It is a day where members of the transgender community and their allies gather together collectively, or acknowledge on their own, lives lost within the transgender community,

particularly those impacted by anti-trans violence, and or suicide. It was first established in 1999 to acknowledge activists who had died. Today I mourn the reported deaths of 109 people, as documented by the National Center for Transgender Equity, within the US, as well as the many undocumented deaths of people within the trans* community who were misidentified, not out, or were unacknowledged by their families and communities.

As someone who works directly in crisis work, I see the impact of anti-trans violence at least once a week. No one should have to die, or feel like dying is the best and only option, because of who they are. No one should be denied the medical care they need, because a vocal group of fundamentalists see them as disposable. No child should see themselves as broken, because they turn out not to fit in the mold their parents had picked out for them.

This is why I am writing, to not only shed light on a topic that some of my readers may not know about, but also to remind those that mourn with me, you are not alone. I am writing to acknowledge the spirits of those we have lost.

Although I didn t know you, I still value you and the impact you had on the world. As I said earlier, The Total reported deaths for this year stand at 109, but it should be kept in mind, that this number is, in actuality, probably much greater, as organizations like the National Center for transgender equity only have so much data to go off of when reporting loss within the community.

Remember when I said at this time last year, I was too sad to think about The Day of Remembrance for myself? I understand that for many of you reading this, that statement could sound counterintuitive. Why would a trans man who is out, not be able to acknowledge the loss his community is facing?

Doesn't he care about the lives lost? The short answer to that is, I do care. The long answer is slightly more complicated. Even if you are not a member of the transgender community, many of you have probably experienced loss at some point in your life. If you have not experienced loss or grief, I am grateful that you haven't had to go through that process yet. But one thing you will know, or learn about it when you do, is that everyone grieves differently.

Some people take years to process loss of loved ones, others want to get things back to normal as soon as possible, and still others prefer to implode on their own, because they believe no one else will understand. Now, expand the feelings of individual grief out, towards a whole community of people, some of which you don t know personally, and you have the complications of grief in a whole new way. This is why I couldn t take time to process publicly last year. Even this year, I find it difficult. Many of my trans* siblings whose lives were taken, I never got to know, and never will get the chance to know. Looking at the total numbers can be daunting for me.

I think for me personally, it is easy to get caught up in data, and then I feel inauthentic. Additionally, grieving is a work in progress. In order to grieve, at least for me, I have to acknowledge that I am sad. And more importantly have something to do with that sadness, so I don t get swept away by its undercurrent.

That s why, I will never push any of you to grieve in a way that is not comfortable, or unsafe for you.

However, I would like to offer some ways that readers of this post can commemorate the lives lost, either on their own or with other groups.

The National Center for Transgender equity has a project going on for the Transgender Day of Remembrance, which enables visitors to the site to read basic information about the 109 people who have lost their lives.

If you have the bandwidth for it, this is a great way to remember that these people aren t just numbers, but had communities, goals, and dreams that they left behind.

Additionally, the national Center for transgender equity allows you to donate to their work. This includes promoting resources for trans* people to get the legal help they need, including ways to report hate crimes and violence, so hopefully less trans* people die in the future.

I know that donation is not always financially feasible for everyone, but reading and acknowledging the lives lost, as well as the history of the Trans Day of Remembrance is always a good free option.

If you are feeling vocal, and up to the task, you can let your friends and family know about the importance of this day, and also about the importance of allowing everyone to live fully and authentically as themselves.

You may be thinking this is all well and good, but what if I know my family is not going to respond well, and it s not safe for me to speak out because I am dependent on them for my own safety and basic needs?

What if I don t have a social media platform, or don t want to get certain people upset.

What if I just feel unqualified to talk about the topic? What can I do in these circumstances to mourn?

A good place to start, if you have Internet access, might be to look up trans* content creators, documentaries focusing on trans*people, or LGBT + spaces in your community.

By familiarizing yourself with some people s lived trans*experience, you are acknowledging that we exist, and are human, just as much as cisgender and heteronormative people.

Furthermore, by looking up resources created by trans*people, or content about their experiences, you are holding space for our stories, and not risking commenting on a topic that you feel unqualified to speak on.

That being said, even if you are cisgender, you can still champion the concept that everyone should be able to live safely in their own truth.

If you don t have Internet access, but you do have access to a library, an Amazon account or both, you can check out books that feature trans characters or talk about trans issues.

One particularly good sci-fi recommendation in this category is light from uncommon stars.

If you re looking for something more historical and factual, try transgender history.

If your library doesn t have either of the books I just mentioned, you can always feel free to ask for them on interlibrary loan, which is free in most public libraries.

If you live in a state that has banned trans literature you can look to see if these books are available online.

You may be wondering what if I m trans and thinking about all these deaths contributes to negative thinking about myself, what can I do then?

First of all, if you are feeling this way, I want to reassure you that it's completely natural to have fear for your own safety when you are thinking about others who weren t allowed to be themselves and suffered the consequences that people filled with hatred thrust upon them.

It's difficult not to get consumed by fear when reading statistics like this. It s difficult not to get consumed by fear when thinking about the reality that we live in, where trans* people continue to be marginalized, and persecuted, for being who they are.

However, there are organizations which are nationwide designed to provide you with a nonjudgmental space to voice your concerns, fears, and even get help navigating your own identity, and mental health care. In particularly, translifeline.org runs a hotline for transgender, questioning folks, and their allies, run by trans people.

They serve all ages. While they are not medical professionals, they help provide a safe environment for people to explore who they are, and what their journey may look like, with regards to gender.

If calling a hotline is too daunting, that is totally understandable as well.

Remember that acknowledging the Transgender Day of Remembrance is not about being flashy. Acknowledgment can come in the simple form of stating to yourself, if you are a trans*person, "I am enough, and worthy of love."

If you are artistically inclined, no matter whether you are cisgender, or transgender, you could create an art project around your feelings regarding trans rights, loss within the trans*community, or the anger you feel regarding the stigma that trans people face, or anti-trans violence.

No matter what form your acknowledgment takes, the simple fact that you are saying something, even if it's simply to yourself, is enough.

If none of these acknowledgment practices ring true to you, and you have the financial stability to do so, or the time to donate, consider making financial contributions or volunteering with trans led organizations or businesses.

If you are a young person wanting to make a difference, and have trusted adults in your circle, you could also consider talking to them about implementing these strategies within your household, or on your behalf.

Know that on this day, what's important is remembering that the people who lost their lives this year, were just that, people.

I feel like I can t say this enough. However you choose to acknowledge the humanity of trans* people, that is the goal of the day.

You are allowed to be sad.

You are allowed to be shocked.

You are allowed to be righteously angry.

Whatever you feel is okay.

However you grieve, is okay.

As long as you are acknowledging the humanity of trans* people, and their right to live lives that suit their authentic selves,

you are doing the right thing.
Wishing you comfort in mourning, peace within yourself, and fuel for resistance,
Sorloquator